Gnawing the skin around your fingers until it bleeds!

We all do it – we bite the skin around our nails and then pull a piece, and then when it bleeds and we know it is going to be sore like hell the next morning, and especially when we put it in water, we want to kick ourselves, wondering why we did it in the first place.

Is life not like that all too often, we push and prod at a problem, or rather a perceived problem, until it bleeds, and then, at that point, it is too late – the hurt afterwards is inevitable!!

So why do we do it?  Cause we get carried away in the heat of the moment – that moment when pulling the piece of skin feels so creepily good, the saltiness of the bit of blood that seeps through tastes divine, and at all costs we want the offending piece of skin that irritated to be gone with forever.  And then the pain afterwards.

So it is with marriage and all too often we do this kind of damage in the heat of the  moment, only to find that irretrievable damage afterwards – a raw wound that takes days, and of course in the real world of damage caused in our lives, months or years to heal.

No, I am not in any danger of losing my man, but it has been a challenging few months, with us in each other’s hair too often, arguing about all and nothing – certainly nothing important enough to lose what we have.  Yet, we pull and tear away, knowing it may be sore afterwards.  We have lived apart for too long now – him on the farm and I on the West Coast.  Lots of plans for our future have been playing themselves off in our life, and as per normal, no matter how well we plan and think that our plans are set in stone, life happens.  So, in our case, influence from outside, i.e. a tenant ruining my rented house down here, which I had to fix first, the pursuit of comfort which unfortunately involves the root of all evil, money, or the lack of it (I am sure many very wealthy people also feel life play with them at times), etc have all made for me having to spend some prolonged time down here, with Kobus up there.  And then, as per normal human hearts / brains, whatever rules us, the devil comes and plays havoc in our minds.  For me, it simply is that I love it here, and I am therefore so sad to even spend a day up there, but there also means I can sleep behind my beloved’s back, wake up seeing his lovely face and love and laugh with him!!

So, it is off I go for a few weeks, and bye-bye to the beautiful Langebaan for a while.  To go and put some ointment on the sore where I tugged and gnawed on a piece of skin, and hope the sore is over soon if I treat it with loving care.



About suletta

Fell in love again at age 50! And followed my man to Zanzibar, for him to set up a dairy farm. I managed to travel into Africa a few times in my life, always loving it and experience the "fever" that grips you on African soil - the one that especially the Europeans now and in years gone by, suffer from. Except I am an African by birth - a South African. A Mzungu.So I discovered at this late stage in my life (not that I feel old!) that some people find my babblings about life interesting, and I quote: "live their lives vicariously through me".
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